Silent Apology

Today I was on the train coming home from work and I saw someone that I'm pretty sure I went to high school with. She was a girl not in the same grade as me, but probably a year or two behind me. If I remember correctly she hung out with some girls that were not considered "cool"and probably made fun of by myself or my clique of friends.

For some reason when I recognized her on the train I got kinda sad because I realized I must have missed out on some really great people that I've crossed in life. I was probably too selfish, too self conscious or whatever it was that held me back from talking to this girl in high school. Maybe because she wasn't "cool" or "popular" I didn't want to associate myself with her.

I can still picture her from high school--she hung out with a crew of girls that all looked like they didn't belong in my pretty all girls high school. They sat at the back lunchtables like a crew ofoutsiders. But I got this sudden urge to smile a her, maybe even give up my seat for her and I don't know why. Maybe I feel like I owe her something? But I don't because I'm the one that could have potentially missed out. Maybe I thought of it as an apology? Quite possibly I wanted to send her a message, "hey I'm not that same girl I was, I'm such abetter person."

I think I'm trying to prove to the world and myselfthat I've changed and I'm a better person because I am. I've grownsince high school--actually I'm a different girl since last month. Maybe if I just smile at her she'll accept it as my silent apology.

(I actually typed this onto my Blackberry as I was on the train, I'm just posting it. As I was getting off the train I did smile at her. Whether or not she saw it, I don't know. Lesson learned)